I'm just super lethargic today and i can't find the reason why. I mean, i didn't train yesterday... So it's kinda odd that this is occurring to me. Nevertheless, it wasn't that bad. Morning class was uber funny. Lotta laughs here and there. I played with the kitties when i first reached sss cuz nick and joel were lepak-ing around there after gym. Ruby was fun, but the stray is really getting on my nerves. Suck up to me then bite me. I hate that stray. =X nvm, a kitty is a kitty and i love kitties! =)

So yeah, i'm really tired and still got prayers to go to after this. Maybe i'll take a nap when i'm back from prayers.

I've gone past the point where coffee doesn't keep me awake anymore. I just downed 3 cups since morning and i'm as sleepy as a sloth on drugs. But heck. My stomach's doing constant backflips. No that i'm having an upset stomach or what its just that when you have caffine overdose, shit happens in your internal body organs. =)

Yupp. Just catching the movie Wedding Daze. Super hilarious. I've got class later at night. Not that i'm complaining, after all, it's Ms Prema's Class. So yeah, so far the juggle between sch, sailing and my emotional problems haven't been the best but i'd accept it. I mean, why swim across an entire ocean when you can sail thru it tack after tack, gybe after gybe. Yupp... Anyway, it's alright. Haven't gotten into any drastic problems lately =) Haha... Today's lecture was well... It wasn't exactly a lecure. Its more like gym time or something. Sprained my ankle kinda badly but i guess it'll heal by saturday. My hikers aren't here yet too! Grr... Can't wait for them to arrive. So sick of waiting... =(

Anyway, considering how much i'm surviving without her for the whole week, makes this week seem alright.

Hmm. Watched Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning. Hmm the general lee is hottt!!! '69 Dodge Charger! And it's orange! Plus the big 01 at the side... Should start calling "Ace" a different name. Naming it "The General Lee"! =) Then can go and place the Scandinavian redneck flag on it. =) Haha.

So yeah. But dunno la. Today was so dull. Even with the amazing wind and me not capping. Hiking well, but downwind needs a lil help though. K fine. ALOT of help. Starts were good... Just that it got screwed up 'cause the rest didnt pay attention to the current thats all. Yupp... Then we had bloody core on the grass which we moved to the beach. Haha. Ah oh wells. Then on the bus ride back super funny. Cause Ting2 called jonathan asking for bubble tea. Hilarious. The SCANDAL going on... Haha. I sooo wanna see how this turns out.

A usual i took my time before heading up to class then we played soccer and striking games after that. Honestly, the lecture was WAYYY dull. And i did the hairband thingy during the games. Really helped i think. Gotta invest in one. Oh wells. I'm thinking of a new movie to watch. Any recommendations? Eh, no horror.

Woke up freakishly late, felt like crap when i dragged my ass out of bed to grab a shower. Now i'm sitting in front of my laptop digesting my sorrows and what not. All i wanna do these past few days is to just see you. Its the immense pain i feel deep down when i look around accepting this life as a reality binding into my soul knowing only that it tightens its grip around my neck as i gasp everyday for any amount of air i can get.

Its hard to believe me that first impressions do count and is abnormally important in presenting yourself to people. But thats how the cookie crumbles and its an unevitable fact that some people can just skip that step and blend themselves into society so freshly and easily. Its just crazy how easy it gets when your of that social status.

If i had one thing i could have undone this past week was to undo all the random nonsense that blurted out of my pie hole this past weekend. Acting like a dick certainly doesn't help in gaining respect and peers. It does the total opposite. It degrades you to a pulp and instead of peers, you have yourself look down upon. The misery of having immense emotions like mine. How very very disappointing. Losing all sorts of self control over the weekend has exhausted me in so many ways. It makes me feel like flying to Antartica or something to die mellowly and soundly knowing that noone is there watch and laugh. Truly, apathetic.

Woke up with a terrble headache and dragged my ass to the toilet only to realise that it was already 845 and i had to chiong to school. At least class was fun though =) Mr K was sooo funny today made me smile abit even though i was still feeling like shit. Trying to hide all these emotions just make it worse knowing that one can only keep it in him, not to show the world the misery of a lost soul wandering the streets in between happiness and depression. But heck, what can i do anyway? I've been training like hell, trying to improve myself but it all ends up in no avail as i keep failing and failing, falling into the depths of sadness as day after day i seem to remain unaware of the harm i'm doing to myself.

All sorts of lame and unhappy thoughts keep running in my head as each day i come home and lie on my bed hoping that it would help. Now i know that the whole sailing thing is bullshit to others but to me that little thing can really wear a guy down, let alone me, the guy with immense mood swings as to that of a female. And on the other hand i still can't stand the fact that i can't break myself away from my emotions. It sucks having to go through this nonsense. Now i know why some people go gay. (Don't confuse it, i'm not gay. Despite the gold phone and tigger pouch.)

So yeah. Guys do cry after all.

What a horrible day. Truly awful.. It was like a depressing scene from a sappy movie. My emo-ness kicks in once again.. I don't know whats the reason behind it but i really feel like crap. This morning soccer already was playing badly. That one freekick was cool though. I took it ronaldo style. Striking the ball at the air hole. Doing the 5 steps back thing and the accelerated drive thru the ball. That was the only highlight of my soccer filled morning.

And don't get me started on this afternoon's sailing. Absolutely horrid. I felt like shit during sailing. Was tired and drowsy. Plus the added effect of bloody prevailing wind shifts which made me really mad and eventually curse the F word. (Which got me doing 50 Push Ups as punishment) My races were horrid. My starts were dreadful. My tactics and strategy was idiotic. My fitness was disastrous. Overall, today was a really bad day for me.

So here i am sitting at home recollecting what i did wrong today and am really down in the dumps for doing such nonsensical stuff today. There's also the fact that i acted like such an ass around her today. This sucks alot la. Going emo and shit ain't good for my image and i end up eating and eating to get over it. I hate this. Whats the use of being the best if your not even gonna perform during minor trngs like this. I'm an utter disappointment.

Well, lets see.. Today was officially bittersweet. Why so? Well... Firstly there was the awful run which saw me clocking a mid range time, falling short to more opti kids. But nevertheless it was reasonably alright seeing that i could still survive core afterwards. But arghh fitness ain't coming back real fast but then again, I'm not worried. Sailing was alright in my opinion, frankly it went well. All the things that i wanted to practice on and happen really worked out. But i was capsizing worse than Ian on caffeine overdose. Well i was trying some new stuff so you really can't blame me. But it felt good. Really really good.

Then there was this time when i banged the corner in this upwind and had a huge gust+lifter and like i PWDNED the rest. Because i was the only one who actually banged that side. The lift was like 20 degrees and i was hiking like a monkey on cocaine. But it felt good to rekindle my corner banging strategy and i can honestly say it's like a drug that feels real good deep down inside. You know like when your sailing single handed boats you already feel very solitary and independent but when you add the option of corner banging, it brings a whole new meaning to solitary. Its like when your out with your ass off your gunwhale and hiking full with your eyes fixed on your target, the feeling is.. different. Something i haven't felt in a really long while. And boy do i miss that feeling.

So yupp, tmr i have a soccer match with some chaps from rockwell collins against another company and boy am i stoked about this. I'm gonna run my ass off, gonna burn my muscles to a crisp and i'm gonna leave them defenders behind me in my dust. You can bet on it.

Hmm, i guess i don't sing for random girls after all. I'm not some play thing you throw around.

I wonder how awards night went though.

WAHAHA MY SISTER WANTS THIS PHONE =) W580 Pink?

Suddenly, school is starting to dawn on me. The biggest reason probably has to be the fact that i can't sail during that period of time. =( Sailing has been really really fun lately. Its like I'm so in zen when i push off the beach and step into a whole new world. Humming the song hero/heroine in between tacks and gybes, proving to Eugene that lee-bow is psychological (Maybe I'm wrong on this one), laughing at Ian each time he faults and capsizes, banging the corners only to find out that it's to no avail when you tack back only to find out that you're headed and half the fleet crosses you. And not forgetting the thing my stomach does each time i glance over my shoulder only to see her looking back.

Honestly guys, i really don't care if you know or not. It doesn't matter to me whether it's so obvious or not. To me, it only means that I'm doing it right. I've been nothing but liberal with myself and accepting the fact that this is probably something i can't hide. But oh wells, accepting your actions is always the first step in accepting yourself. And this is me working towards my resolutions. I mean it's like the new year and i should probably work on bettering myself.

So yes, back to school tomorrow and I'm really not looking forward on me travelling to woodlands and back TWICE. This is really putting a toll on the body and i for one am kinda on the receiving end of it all. =( but nevertheless, i cannot complain because the deal is made that I'm supposed to remain there till the end of the year.

So i really take my free time seriously and I'm spending it quite well actually by listening to music and browsing through new artists that have really nice music if you ask me. Bullet for my valentine anyone? =)

DAMMIT I CAN'T GET THE ONE MISSED CALL TONE OUTTA MY HEAD

Apologies for the one day MIA. Had to stay over at a cousin's place in order to be awake during my god forsaken 8a.m. class. But nevertheless, it was fun. The only thing thats left to do for the week is to, fill up the form thingy, complete the VO2max graph, do the coaching practice stuff, plan and present a presentation by next tuesday and research on professional studies stuff. OMG. And can you believe it, it's only the first week. Someone teach me to curse in Swahili. Grr...

Anyway, tmr is sailing day again so at least i get to end the weekend on a high. =) But the toll of school and trg is starting to get to me. Feeling wayyy lethargic during classes and if that carries on i can't complete Number 1. (Its a resolution thing, dun ask). Anyway, i've just finished watching the latest of the american pie series, Beta House. What can i say? American Pie never fails me. =X Tonight i've got Mr K's class. Surely i hope to stay awake then. =)

Ooh! Ms Preema's lectures are fun-diddly-fun! Haha.. She kept telling us stories which were really cool and funny. Now that's a lecturer that connects to the heart of the class. From Mr Cool aka The Blonde One, Type A Yusof, Funnyman Richard, Type B wannabe Type A Nick, to even the Boy Next Door. ^-^ (Yes, Tim we know i'll turn in to the MAN next door by the time i'm 25 but i'm cool with that)

So yeah, thats one lecturer i'll be sure to pay attention to in class other than Mr K. That other guy, Fabian... Uh.. Mabe not so. =X But yeah! I got so addicted to her lecture that i lost track of time and soon enough class was over. =( Boo. But we had fun at the kopitiam after that! Haha.. Yupp.. Then again, it's real sad that i can't board. Really wanna though. =( Gahh. Tmr's sailing! (If theres wind that is.) Can't wait to get out there and just train. I dunno, there's smth different abt sailing that makes trngs fun. Like in track, you gotta run and run and run to train. And in swimmin, you gotta swim and swim and swim. But like. Sailing's totally different. Its the way we rediscover the sea each time we get on it. I can't find the exact words for it but yeah. Its cool to train.

Enter the era of the boy next door? =X yikes.

Hmm, lets just say my time spent here at home ain't exactly a bucket of fun. But then again, one has to be thankful for the R&R time i can get. Looking forward to tomorrow though. To finally sail again. Yupp. Anyway, there's no more nice anime to watch anymore too. But i have to say, i've done nothing else on my lappy but watch videos, edit my personal organizer and chatting on msn. (Bloggin doesnt count cuz i'm doing it now ^-^) So yeah its kinda been a mellow week so far. Only 2 days in and i already don't like the lectures. I mean c'mon, have u seen the size of our lecture notes? Its like there are so many pages and the words are so small. Welcome to semester 3. =(

So yeah, current;y watching initial d the movie. SOMEONE has got me hooked on that movie redline and hence i am stoked about cars. Nvm. Still love that mustang.

While surfing the net in the wee hours of the morning, there's this thing which caught my eye when i was down at soccer.com. It was non other than the puma v1.08. the new range of lightweight boots money can buy. Well, not my money that is. Unfortunately, i am cursed with having to spend my hard earned money on my sailing stuff. Well half of the stuff i need are already in my possession and the other half aren't in stock yet. Except for the ropes, universal joint and centerfelt. But that's another story.

Whats new is that I'm getting hooked on dribbling in the vicinity of my house. i can't seem to get the ball off my feet. Every time i see a ball, my brain goes into overload and the lil' fendi in my head magnetically attracts me to it to start dribbling or juggling. not that I'm any good or what but its just that i crave action and in a house like mine where there's nth else to do rather. I've got limited choices! but yeah. my house is littered with balls and its an inevitable fact that I'm hooked. so lets play soccer! oh and ps. i think futsal is hot. the way falcao dribbles just makes me drool. its so fast paced and actiony. LOVE-IT.

gahh... night class... aut.. sss... that dark skinned fella that gets on my nerves. wtf no hangin ard hostel area. bah. wad a titsucker. oh wells thats one job i can add to my list of what not to be when i grow up: BOARDING MANAGER. =)

anyway! first lecture already kanna marked by the lecturer. oooh crap. cmon fen, tahan one more year. =( but then again the thing thats really making me mad is the fact that the 5 retakers of professional studies have class on fridays at 8 am in the morning. !!!. yeah. imagine draggin my half asleep arse to school on friday morning. don't get me started on what time i have to wake up! grrr... oh wells at least we don't have to be under that ghastly woman angela. =)

saw familiar faces at sss again... and the kitties! they're big! haha.. awww... yeah. fen swoons over little furry creatures that purr and are nicknamed pussies. whooo.. =) so yeah as usual again 168 took really really long. i left home at 6 and the bus came at 635 lei..... -sheesh- ... nvm. thats not the end of my not-so-happy-journey. what made it worse was the fact that the bus was filled with so many people! we had a crying kid, a lady with an unusually high-pitched voice that kept ringing in my ear even after i got off the bus! oh and i arrived in school at 730 btw. my my a 1hr 30min bus ride. all for a 2hr lecture.. WOOHOO! at least i dun gotta wake up in the morn tmr!

yupp.. cant wait for weds. cant wait for saturday. cant wait for sunday. all i wanna start doing now is sail sail sail. during the lectures all i could think about was sail.byte.tack.gybe.capsize.FUN. yeah... even went to the extent of drawing lame doodles of me death rolling. it goes like this, there i am surfing a tsunami sized wave smiling. then the next doodle is me losing control and falling into the water and my boat turned turtle. then last one was he tsunami wave crashed on me and then.. i died. =X bleagh. lectures are boring rite? aut08 batch are sure havin fun though lols =S

omg how i want a ford mustang. doesnt it just scream out MUSCLE to you? well it does to me. so much for the nissan 350z huh? well its a consolation i guess =)
-

can a guy fall in love with a car? >_<

bahhh tired like shit after today. mix of light wind and strong wind. got to test out how the gloves are without the ronstan ones over it and i must say they hold up pretty well. =) way ta go purple nitrate. lols. anyway, today was anth sign saying tat i so gotta work on my fitness again and like cut down on nonsensical food. (NOOOOOO) but yeah.

the life jacks no bad too just tat the bottom part just kinda rides up A BIT. haha. gotta hand it to zhik for designing such a slick lookin lifejack. plus i was capsizing like free liddat today. made me feel like ian liddat haha. lols but nvm today was uber funzz just not lookin forward to wakin up at 7 tmr. fruck. oh the agony of travelin way up north and back.

holy crap. first day and my body already aches? dammit. pain like siao. morning run timing like shit. den core no fitness. den trng BARELY had energy. but heck at least i got to use all my new stuff. new gloves, newly sewn old hiking pants (1st pair!), new boom, new lifejack.

and yes! i bought my boom and brand new zhik lifejacket! weee. burn a hole in my wallet? yeahhhh tell me abt it sia. all thats left is my full-legged hiking pants, upper mast and new ropes and i'm ready for the regatta. lols. ^-^ well done fen. tmr is anth day. pray for wind yeah? =)

hmm lets just say my time at home has been filled with, fullmetalalchemist, jeff dunham, russel peters and playing soccer around my 4 room house. oh the adrenaline rush u get when u dribble past the standing fan, Ole the chair and shoot thru my door frame only to hear the sound of the ball hitting picture frames and dropping to the ground. =X yeah. thats life i guess.

ive also been workin on my personal organizer lately. been filling it up with impt events like regattas and birthdays and emails and such. but yeah. im 17 and im bored, so whats new. sewing has been a blast too. (its not gay. its delicate work) been sewing up my first pair of hiking pants for the fun of it. been using red and black thread. (dun ask me why) but yeah. uber fun i guess. and it kills time like nth. ^-^ oh wells gotta go get more thread. laters.

hmm its a weds. i feel like sailing. i feel like running. i feel like playin soccer. i feel like seeing you. hmm. i dunno. its already january but i still feel like as if saturday is coming very slowly as if time will stop at 11.59pm this friday. i feel like shit.

u come up to me and ask me; wads ur plans for times to come i can only just say; to survive the next day.

okay! imma back from chalet and lets just say the past two days have been friggin awesome. the paty with mah fellow sailors plus the footy fanatic and of course wafflegirl wanting! =) all in all it was super. soccer till it rained.. swimming in the salty pool.. (????? salty???) haha. hmm then the watching of eurotrip =) damn lame sia. of all the shows to watch, eurotrip. =) then after that the arcade with me shootin hoops with wanting?? imma not good with balls. =X i like 'em at my feet. hahahaha. yeah then i shot some pool with her too! with me ending up on the losing end. =( i didnt lose by tat much hor..) but yeah, gtta hand it to her for being a sport and comin down anyway! =) overall, just wanna thank my sis and mah bro for the opportunity and to all the peeps who came down. =) also to the guys who stayed over =) really appreciate it babes, =) till the next party yeah? =)