something tells me this weekend wont turn out as i had hoped it to be. Of course i'm still dejected at the fact that a handful number of people couldn't make it but nevertheless the room had already been booked and i'll try my best to enjoy it. Its just so saddening to see how plans can fail due to external circumstances (AUTians would call these threats)

after all i was pretty confident i didnt need a contingency plan for this. nevertheless my innate attempts at reviving the party i once dreamed for would be at bay. again with the fact of my impending leave for national service. just 13 days away. sad to leave? yeah duh. but i believe it is necessary for me to leave. to just escape from this all. from all the intensity that life has bestowed upon me. how i wish i could just fly away.

on a side note, i have made a mental list of stuff i told myself i had to do before my disappearance and in that list are a few things that i do not really want to do, but have to do. 'tis the agony of living the lie that disallows me to evade this. i don't know how it'd go but i do hope god will shine his light on me if i do.

oh the new year, how it beckons me to a life of maturity. alas, i fear nothing for the new year. i have thought of most possible worst case scenarios, played them in my head, and forsaw how i would react to them so that i would not be shocked, or disappointed in some cases.

berikan ku arah yang ku mesti ikuti.

futile attempts at resurrecting 10 months worth

as you build your dreams on shattered hopes, i'll look back on a day once loved and fantasize for tragedy.

alot of crap has been happening to my life and my family too. i would just like to take a moment to stress that life is short and that no matter what you do in life, make sure you do it because you WANT to do it, not because you HAVE to do it. If you're doing something which you dont really want to do then it defeats the purpose. In comes the 7 deadly sins.

We all want happiness in life. The road to happiness leads us to many roads. And sometimes, you might reach a dead end and is forced to turn back. But no matter what you'll always inch forward and higher till you achieve your great expectations and that is the true purpose for you in life.

I love my grams to bits and i don't want her to go. God give her strength.

the only depressing thing is that one by one they just fall. i r not feeling as happy as i should be.

anyway, rough a quarter fell so im tryin to make do with wad i gotz. gotta balance out the quota and make a final decision tmr afternoon. wonder if fairprice has jager.

it just wont be the same without mah jagerbro.

goshh darn it. i only skated for like roughly an hour. i actually WAXED a ledge then some guy had to go sleep on it. wtff. waste time. and the dog with itchy balls didnt help either. tsk.

anyway, me xsjados are amazing and i think im getting back into the groove of rollin so yeah =X gettin betta as each day goezz muahaha

god does not forgive those who do not plead for forgiveness, for he merely refuses to show compassion for those who do not love him.

all it takes is just one person to make that one day worthless.

the reshuffling of the guest list begins..

wonder why i put so much thought into it only to know that its probably gonna be quite a bust since my guest list unravels around that individual. henceforth the planning changes and i guess it'll be a pretty mother effing boring hell of a weekend.

is this how god punishes me? if so then i shall repent. i have lied and cheated my way around his rules and i accept it. being forsaken by the almighty feels like shit.

nice skates. mine thanks. yeah the bed sheet i know but wdv.

anyway dull week. weather not lettin me skate alot. did test thingy on weds. i jump farr. maybe be jumper. see first ba. jumpers king strong so scared cannot match. nvm. uh. k recap.

monday raya den uh get xsjados and lepak with girls. tuesday i forgot wad happen. but nvr trn. weds do test den home. thurs supposed to skate then rain but out with girls although someone was supposed to skate with me. friday skated morning with alyssa den stone at home till later dinner. tmr probably stone at home again. same for sun but got dinner at night.

whoopee. i want nimhs when i get better.