one of the joys of life is not in hearing the words i love you but its the ability to say those very words yourself.

- that door guy from Samantha Who?

it just doesn't feel right having to carry on this way. the past has been etched into my skin.

Tell me why can't you see, it's not the way
When we all fall down, it will be too late
Why is there no reason we can't change
When we all fall down, who will take the blame
What will it take

No Reason - Sum 41

Cause I feel like a prisoner
trapped inside your broken world
while I'm playing the victim again
running in circles
to me it's all the same
and though nothing's gonna change
I hope someday you have it all

88 - Sum 41

When did we begin
To let ourselves give in
How'd it come to this
Miserable bliss

I'm Not the One - Sum 41

sometimes, some people just need a little time to let their emotions free, to let out all their feelings bottled up deep down inside. sometimes, things don't seem to go the way you would like it to go when you know it should actually be heading that way. sometimes, there's a special someone who enters your life and turns it upside down, be it better or worse. but sometimes, some people just have to shut their eyes and revamp a new chapter of their life.

moments in time where one might feel overjoyed with the vicarious ways that life brings such randomness into their lives. it is with this current state of mind: lost and confused but somehow able to keep my cool; i have slowly come to the conclusion that i cannot feel this way anymore. i still have 1 year and 8 months to go in my ns life and i for one am afraid for whats to come. fear has brought me to my knees and has left me with a void to fill by myself. fear has left me so blank inside.

each time i pray i ask for god to show me the way. but i think that even He cannot give me an answer because only i can choose my future. it is with this confusion that i carry on with the next chapter of my life, hoping to never turn around and regretting my past.

this may all sound pretty effing emo-ish but feeling a little emo-ish at the moment so yeah.

tmr shall be the final test to answer everything i needed to know.

hmm today just lunched at bv.. then like went to gombak at like 2.30 haha when trng was at 4. so like stone there for like 1 and a half hours haha. anyway. trng today alot of drills to get my form back. bad thing is tat alfred isnt letting me run for swift. pretty bummed abt it la. like dunno how to react to his 'no'. im like really excited to compete again. dammit lar..

GOSHHH pretty happening day haha. woke up like super early just to head over to cck and chills at yusof house before go gombak to watch day 2 of 3rd allcomers. when we reach it was like crazy hot. then. at like 3 it POURED. like POURED ppl. seriously, and i was stuck at the smallish jumpers tent at the pit there. so like we bo pian just sit there do nothing lo for like 45 mins cuz cannot chiong due to the really really close lightning overhead. so when it stopped then we ran over to the main seats. by then my climacool adidas shoes were climaWET. so i was like damn. nvm.

afters tat we went king albert macs to eat. then stefanz drop me off at newton mrt so trained to dhoby. this is where the interesting part begins. i reached there at 6. cuz tot meeting A FREN at 7. then tat fren msg say she'll be late, so extend 730. then at 715 she msg again say add 30mins so i ok, bo pian. den 8pm i at mrt already lor. in the end my watch read 847 when she reach so i was like 0.0 . ya. (haha dun worry i'm not holding grudges since you owe me a drink.)

ate sushi, went old school but bar closed so ended up heading to chijmes. ordered a SCREAMING ORGASM and a green velvet. tsk i had the velvet thingy of course. so like halfway through my drink i felt alot of sandy thing in my drink so i tot i should see since i already drink half so i tot it was sugar or smth. in the end, it was a shard of glass and i had already drnak half the glass!!! so i was like er.. not drinking it anymore.. now my throat wanna die =(

ahem, i believe someone owes me a drink =)

dear god tell me what to do before i suffer the insufferable!

at least show me a sign.

if u wanna be mad at me, be mad. i WILL dedicate my 2 years to this and i WILL not falter at a minor setback.